Monday, September 12, 2011

There are far too many things going on... I'm getting headaches again, feeling like I'm going to fall over I'm so dizzy. College stuff is already stressing me out and I haven't been focused on it long, especially since our internet hasn't been working right.

On top of physically feeling horrible I mentally feel the same, if not worse. Last Friday , September 9, was the three year anniversary of Ian's death. Yesterday, September 11, was the ten year anniversary of 911, the terrorist attack nearly everyone knows about. And even more, Madi died two years ago today on September 12, 2009.

I was babysitting my neighbors Gretchen and Grace when I got a phone call from my friend Terriann. She told me that Madison F. had committed suicide. I couldn't believe it. "No, no... She was a happy girl," I assured myself as tears rolled down my cheeks. The girls were scared and worried for me because they didn't know what was happening. I had to contain myself. When my friend and neighbor Heather messaged me to see if I was okay I lost it. When my family got home from dinner my mom came over to babysit so I could be with Alyssa and Heather back at her house.

That's when everything sunk in. Madi was really gone. Even though I had gone through Ian's death a year before, this day coming exactly a year after the day on which he was buried, it just wasn't the same. It couldn't be. This girl was one I had known nearly my whole life. She was in my kindergarten class with Mrs. B. and I carry around a picture of our class. We all miss her. We all love her.

I fell off my bike several years later and messed up my knee pretty bad just before Madi's birthday. I was afraid of being the only one not swimming at her party but I wanted to go because she was my friend. And as I sat by the side of the pool with my big princess Cinderella band-aid on my knee I wasn't alone. Madi was right there for me. I just wish she could have known that all these years later I was here for her.

The day before we lost Madi there was a football game. Her brother Jameson and his friend Alex, even though I was a band geek, as awesome as we are, raced over to me at the game just to see who got to high-five me first. Jameson was so happy and to know the next day he lost his big sister just breaks my heart. I see him all the time now because he's in my study hall. Madi had Chemistry with me sophomore year, but only for the first few weeks of school. I miss that class and I miss having it with her. I miss her laugh.

I recently watched our play from eighth grade. Madi was a pilgrim and she absolutely could not say Eduardo's character name, the one that started with an "S". But she nailed it when it came down to our Valentine's Day performance. It makes me sad when I watch that DVD and when I look at our Washington, D.C. pictures because she was there, but now she's not here physically.

Madi,
  You'll always be with us no matter what. We'll all see you and your smiling face again one day but for now it's in our memories. You're a part of this class, my class, the class of 2012... Until we meet again, I just want to thank you for watching over me and all of my friends. Despite all the sadness I felt after your passing, I made it through. I love you, Madi. Forever in our hearts...
Rachel