Friday, September 9, 2011

9-9-08: it was a horrible way to start off high school. We lost a friend and a classmate that day... Ian H. He was young, far too young to be done living at only 16. It's been three years since that night when he decided to end his own life. He affected so many people positively, which everyone who was in band at the time would know.

9-10-08: there was a bad feeling all over the school that morning. I remember I was standing outside of the French room waiting for Mrs. K.- Miss P. at the time- when a girl walked by me crying. Feeling clueless, I asked somebody if they knew what had happened. "I don't know. Some guy named Ian committed suicide," was similar to their response. My heart sank. "Ian? Ian H.?" I questioned. "Yeah, him!" was the reply I received, but it wasn't the answer I wanted. No one wated this to happen.

But unlike my classmate I know Ian H. Not only that, but he was also one of my brother's best friends. And they were supposed to hang out on 9-10, the day after a young life was taken.

9-9-11: I sit here today in my Ian memorial t-shirt, orange with a blue and white outlined "I", for the University of Illinois, but with an added "an" inside for his first name while his last name graces the back. Whenever I see "H." written in those bold letters I am reminded of baseball and how the boys' last names would be written across the backs of their jerseys. That makes me happy because that's how I met Ian: through sports.

As Mr. M has told us before, when days like this roll around we need to remember all of the good memories of Ian we have. So every year I think back to 9-10-08, specifically band class when we sat together for a whole class period telling stories of the veloved drummer. Even though not everyone knew Ian or that he was even in band, they cried with us. And not just because the death of a 16 year old is tragic no matter what. They realized that Ian wuold be remembered forever.

Despite all the good things in life you can get down time after time. Later that year I found the song "Life Left to Go" by a band called SafetySuit. And like the name, they give safety. Listening to this song more than any other one and sharing it with many of my friends for years, I wonder whether it would have helped Ian through whatever it was he was going through.

"Sometimes the edge serves as more than a friend than you thought it would be. And the pages you write in your journal each night are your only release. And the mask you put on, it's like words in a song but there's more to be seen. And the failures you see don't seem failues to me here at all..."

Was someone there to play that song for Ian? I don't know. But I promise to share that song, like I'm doing now, just in case I come across even one person who may benefit from it.

We love you, Ian. Rest in peace...